I thought I would write more frequently about our escapades as an engaged couple. I don’t think I’ve penned anything about the experience outside of the actual engagement proposal. It behooves me to be a bit more introspective on what’s going on. I’ll try to write more reflections in the remaining months, and I'm sure I'll be thankful for it in years to come.This past weekend, Emmelle and I attended our mandatory Engaged Encounter retreat, hosted by the San Jose diocese (we preferred the San Francisco diocese but the cost was prohibitive). Thus, we begrudgingly trekked all the way to the Presentation Center in Los Gatos off of Highway 17. Upon arrival, I realized I had been to the retreat center previously as a sunday school teacher.
Honestly, I didn’t look forward to spending an entire weekend with strangers. I had just suffered through a weekend in a Munich hotel and wasn't looking forward to spending another weekend away from my cozy apartment. Nevertheless, I welcomed the opportunity to check another item off of our never-ending to-do list and at best, glean insights into the theology behind the Catholic sacrament of holy matrimony. I'll refrain from discussing the actual format and content of the retreat; I believe that should be experienced first-hand and not influenced by my sometimes romantic, other times cynical perspective. However, allow me to share some of the moments/personalities from the retreat that I'd like to keep in the memory bank:
Engaged Encounter graduates. We had two couples lead our retreat. Now, I like to identify people by random nicknames as evident on this blog. The following are actual names of three out of our four retreat masters: Buzz, Chip and Weedgee (pronounced like "Ouija board"). Chip and Weedgee are both retired and grandparents. They are in the twilight of their relationship but made it a point to openly discuss their sexual prowess and potency. Buzz and his wife Anita love bikes and country music (and possibly guns). They played two country love songs during the retreat to put the retreatants in the proper introspective mood. In both instances, they stared into one another's eye sockets and softly sang the lyrics to each other. Most of the girls leaned over to put their head on their partners' shoulders during these musical interludes. I thought that they would dim the lights and request that we make out with each other (they didn't). At no point did Emmelle ask me to dance. Regrets.
High school reunion. When we first arrived, I checked out Emmelle's room on the second floor. While walking down the steps, I see a very familiar face. To my astonishment, it's one of Colonel Mustard's close friends from high school. I am shocked, almost speechless. He is calm and appears to have expected our first encounter in over a decade to be at a Catholic engagement retreat. To top it off, Emmelle knows his dad. She also knows his fiancé's boss. Small world.
Don't forget the Giants. At the beginning of the retreat, we (the men) all took an immediate liking to Buzz because he acknowledged the importance of keeping tabs on the Giants-Phillies Game 6 NLCS contest. We all followed on our phones quietly Saturday night. And then Chip turned on his (transistor?) radio to catch the last out. Giants in the World Series! Now, you'd imagine Chip to be unconscionably old with his erectile dysfunction pills and radio. But it just so turns out he spent the better half of the weekend on his iPad (and there were no mentions of any ED pills. I just made that up).
True love. Possibly the best part of the retreat (in my opinion) occurred on the first night during our introductions. As a get-to-know-you, Chip told us to share our engagement and wedding dates and what attracted us to our respective partners. Nearly every couple understood this to mean that they could talk about whatever they wanted. One particular couple – male, a bit overweight, kind smile and eyes, rough facial hair, Giants cap; female, thin, more physically attractive than her fiancé – my first reaction was actually, “Wow. How did they get together?” But then everything made sense. He concludes their introduction by saying (almost verbatim): “I’m a Giants fan; she likes the Angels. I like the Sharks; she’s a Ducks fan.” For a moment, his face is terribly pained. But he quickly shifts his eyes lovingly and innocently toward his fiancé and adds “But none of that matters.” And a proud grin consumes his face; he is wholly proud of his prose, so touched by his own words, overwhelmed by the thought of being able to care for someone at a level once considered impossible. His girl blushes, she understands that their love overcomes even the gravest of obstacles. Everyone claps, I want to laugh out loud. I think that sequence alone convinced me to write a post mortem on our Engaged Encounter experience .
What else? Well, we have two notebooks full of personal thoughts. I'm sure we'll review its contents prior to the wedding. And then we'll store it in a safe place. We'll read it again in five years...ten years...twenty years...
By the numbers:
- 1: Number of couples who met through online dating service
- 0: Number of couples who admitted to meeting through Facebook
- 3: Number of civilly married couples
- 3: Number of couples with children, or are expecting
- 38: Combined age of the youngest couple (20 and 18)
- 38: Combined age of the couple who's relationship is most likely to end in divorce
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