"on the radio" - regina spektor

With the pace of life continues to accelerate, I've caught myself contemplating more and more about growing old and well, dying. I don't think they are purely morbid thoughts; it's not fully accurate to claim that they are thoughts about death. It's really about not being able to come to terms with lack of existence. Really an ongoing internal discourse on existentialism. As I told a dear friend recently however, thoughts about aging and death are pretty selfish. I mean, think of all of the individuals who have perished in this world.

I am selfish.

So let me indulge that for a moment. One of the primary considerations du jour lies in the physical form. More specifically, at what age do you feel that your physical and mental states are the true embodiment of self over the course over a lifetime? Let me put to rest the argument that it's about your spiritual being rather than any physical condition. I'm sure that is true and I believe that as a Catholic - but it's hard to contemplate as a worldly dope (yes, I do need to attend mass more).

I want to understand when I want to be for the rest of eternity. Is it as I am right now? Married, making good money, in solid physical condition, still with all my hair? But what about in five years when we have children - won't that be a special time? Won't I still be in top mental state? Or maybe twenty years? By then my face will start to wear some handsomely distinguished lines, my bloated salary will afford ridiculously-priced suits and watches. I'll have learned so much caretaking children and parents. But I actually cherish years gone by when my children would be nestled snuggly in my arms...There's no perfect answer.

And just as difficult is how life continues to change, evolve, grow before it stops. No matter how prepared you can be, it's still sudden, right? You are alive, and then you are not. You have all of these beautiful thoughts and memories stored in your mind - all of which have never been experienced by anyone else, and then they are gone (at least in this world). Isn't that crazy?!

I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I just wanted to share some thoughts to introduce a Regina Spektor song lyric that shares my sentiments. Also, I've been listening to a lot more music written and performed by women. I'm just putting that out there; you can read into it however you'd like...

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again




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godspeed, michael jackson

Last night, I was out with some friends watching a DJ set up for his late night set. WonQ posed this question, "When will the Michael Jackson tribute be?" I had not even thought about this obvious scenario as I had skimmed a few articles regarding his death during the afternoon and quickly put it out of mind. And then the DJ began his MJ homage with "Beat It", and the news finally struck me.

I have no personal relationship with the man, but the loss of greatness impacts everyone. And he was truly great.

People seem to act most "humanly" at a time of death. With his passing, the world can now begin to resurrect his genius and properly place him in the pantheon of musical brilliance. He easily stands up there with Lennon/McCartney, Mozart...the list is pretty short. It's a shame we didn't do this while he lived. Some of that was obviously self-imposed from improper/unusual behavior, but the reverberating shock stretching across the world today is tied to the fact that we slammed the door on him and abandoned him for over a decade. Amazingly, we all were able to distinguish between the man and his music. We never stopped lauding the music. Meanwhile, we denigrated the man named Michael Jackson to nothing more than a punchline, a freakish circus sideshow. I think that ceases now.

And to quickly touch upon all the improper behavior - is it innate or learned? Is it possible that it was an unavoidable discharge to counter all of the creativity? Or is it simply an outcome of being pushed too hard early in life because the genius is spotted quickly? It might be a combination of both. Either way, the world victimized him and in turn, he did the same. There are no excuses, just a modicum of understanding that those that are truly unique have difficulty fitting in with the masses. We celebrate them, we ridicule them. We expect them to be different from us and the same as us all at once. That's just how it is.

I would never intend to underestimate the magnitude of losing a father, a son, a friend. But as fans, for those of us Jackson has entertained, we can now remember him fondly. I am looking forward to that.

Enough words. Here's my favorite MJ music video. "Thriller" may be more historically significant, but "Smooth Criminal" is easily his best video creation:



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the beatles rock band

I don't remember all too much from my childhood, but I have a clear memory of my first introduction to The Beatles. I was in seventh grade, and I inserted a Beatles tape that Colonel Mustard had brought home from school. Years later, I would realize the track I listened to was "A Day in the Life" off of the Sgt. Pepper album. John Lennon's haunting vocal and the cacophony of the orchestra felt like some kind of assault on my ears and my mind. I freaked out and stopped the tape about fifteen seconds after I pressed play. Today, I think it's one of the most brilliant pieces of music ever composed/produced (but what do I know, I get excited by Lady Gaga these days).

A year later, The Beatles Anthology (0:55 to 3:18 or so is a must for any fan, but you should have your own DVD copy, right?) aired on ABC, and I was intrigued.

High school came, and I found the band to be a way for me to distinguish myself as an independent thinker (this is the honest truth). Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with the music. I spent all of my discretionary income purchasing CDs and memorizing lyrics. I educated C-Monster on which member sang vocals on a particular track.I chatted with other fans in Beatles' CHAT ROOMS (on a Netscape browser). I spent hours listening to classic rock stations listening for any Beatles' tunes I had never heard, which ultimately was an introduction into the entire genre - The Who, Led Zeppelin, Cream, Jimi Hendrix, the list goes on. And at the ripe age of 15, I was convinced that the good Lord had inadvertently displaced this sixties' soul in the wrong decade.

College came and my musical tastes diverged. But I kept my first love close to the chest (or ears). And then iPods broke onto the musical scene and completely revolutionized all of our musical catalogs. Any solid iTunes requires an eclectic mix of classic rock, eighties pop, indy rock, hip-hop, soulful R&B...all meant to add up to a musical persona with depth, heart, intelligence, and frivolity. It sounds silly, but we've all spent years fine-tuning our playlists. But I digress. The Beatles got lost in the fold. 

And then a few months ago, my appetite for the Fab Four was rejuvenated when I learned that a Beatles version of Rock Band would be hitting store shelves in September. I am subscribed to email updates, and until today, I've been teased with really meaningless information.

Today, the game's collaborators released a trailer, and it looks fantastic! The hair styles, the beards, the duds all perfectly match the time periods, venues, and records. The confirmed track list is fairly short at the moment, but the entire Abbey Road LP will be available for download not too long after the initial release. That leads me to believe that their entire catalog will be available at some point. I have a feeling I'll be buying the same Beatles music over and over again, in various formats, for the rest of my life.

I am way too excited for this.

There is a higher definition version of the video on the official Beatles Rock Band website.

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weezer at san jose events center - 10.13 (part 2)

I've had some time to think about the Weezer show I attended last week and will now try to articulate some thoughts I had during the experience. You can find my first impressions of the show here: weezer at san jose events center (part 1)

When I wasn't caught up in a rowdy sing-along or trying to anticipate what the next song might be, I found myself comparing this experience to the only other time I had seen the band live. 

Warfield Theater, San Francisco, 2005

That was back in 2005 at the Warfield in San Francisco. I originally wrote a short history on the band and how the music community viewed them at that moment in time, but it became too convoluted and was looking more like a novella; I realize I can talk about Weezer and its frontman for a long time. In short, it was an important time for the band and its legacy with a pending fifth album, Make Believe, after a couple of sub-par efforts (The Green Album, Maladroit) and semi-hiatus as Rivers Cuomo was finishing up his degree at Harvard.

At the time, Rivers was heavily involved with a strict yoga discipline, and it had been documented that he was celibate for a two year period. There is plenty of sources that speak to Rivers inability to strike a desirable balance in his life. All it takes is a listen of Pinkerton and one gets a sense of how conflicted he was with the decadent and hedonistic rock lifestyle. So yoga served to center him.

Thus, I assumed that the yoga accentuated Rivers timid disposition at the concert. He was no showman on stage, briskly moving from one song to another with very little interaction with the audience. He looked completely uncomfortable, and at times, terrified. If he could, I think he would have elected to have his back turned to the audience. The crowd didn't care, we were all so excited to see the band come after there had been some rumblings about possible breakup. Additionally, all Weezer fans 1) love to sing along and barely notice what's going on on stage and 2) enjoy Rivers' eccentricity. I thought that he might vomit on stage, but he managed to get through it without incident. 

Rivers anti-celebrity that night worked in the same way that a lot of the Weezer universe has survived - through amplified contradiction. For example, the best of Weezer's playlist bridges sugary pop melodies and heavy guitar crunches. Likewise, the shy, fragile lead singer confidently pens and blows lyrics like "What's with my homies dissing my girl?" and "God damn you half japanese girls". The geek-and-cheek, boyish charm was all part of the show, unintentional or not. 

Musically, it was a real treat. Regardless of how "intelligent" some music snobs might feel about Weezer's musical catalogue, you have to be impressed with Cuomo's voice. It's just easy to listen to and very dynamic. On that night, it worked with the gut busting "Hash Pipe" to open the set, as well as "Say It Ain't So", "The Good Life", and "No One Else". During the encore, we were treated to a rendition of "Undone (The Sweater Song)" while Brian Bell and Scott Shriner were rapping lyrics to "El Scorcho".

That night the band did all of their entertaining through the music alone. 

Weezer at Warfield Setlist

San Jose Events Center, San Jose, 2008

Rivers was the exact opposite last Monday night. He spent more time running frantically across stage, falling into rock-induced seizures, and hamming it up with the crowd than actually singing. My original thought was that Rivers is different, but I don’t think that’s the case as I've had more time to digest the night's happenings. I think it's more that he's returning to something or perhaps fulfilling the rock god incarnate that he has always dreamed of realizing. It reminds me of “In the Garage” off of the first record in which he looks back on days spent in teenage isolation, imitating his favorite shredders of the day with all of his rock heroes taped to his walls approving his every move.

He is Peter Pan, suspended in time, jumping up and down on a trampoline, without any notion of his years. His band mates? They just let him carry on. They play and sing with little movement, intentionally contrasting Rivers’ youthful exuberance. Between this and the other extreme which I previously experienced, I really can't say I prefer one or the other. 

But I do have a strong opinion on the music.

What drew me to Weezer early on more than anything else was the infectious pop melodies and Rivers' beautiful voice. This is slowly slipping away with a democratization within the band. Its evident on their latest album in which each other band mate sings lead vocal on a track. I don't like it. Those are three to four cuts per record that are void of Rivers, and I find those to be a waste. I actually think that Shriner and Bell both have decent voices, but Weezer is still Rivers, unfortunately. Their sounds and their words do not fit into the Weezer anthology. 

This democracy was evident much too frequently during the show as well. The rest of the gang sang a bulk of the lead vocals on past classics while Rivers would lurk around the stage, waiting for the perfect opportunity to slide across the floor and cut into a crunchy guitar riff. The band even had Tom DeLonge of Blink 182 - I mean, Angels and Airwaves come on stage to butcher the first verse of "Undone (The Sweater Song)". The sharing might make the band happier to make music, but this really isn't Weezer music when Rivers isn't singing it, and worse, when he's not writing it.

My favorite moments occurred when Rivers reminded me more of the shy guy, standing quite still while his guitar and vocals led the way. Some of those numbers include "I Am The Greatest Man That Ever Lived", "Hash Pipe", "Keep Fishin'". One highlight of "Undone" was Rivers going pretty berserk on drums (check out link above).

Some Links 

The audio isn't great, but here is a YouTube link for the band playing the a capella into guitars rendition of "Suzanne" in San Diego (I unfortunately couldn't find the San Jose version).

"The Greatest Man That Ever Lived" live at San Jose Events Center:

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Weezer at San Jose Events Center - 10.13 (Part 1)

On Monday night, I went to the Weezer show with my sisters, ML, and a couple of other friends at the San jose Events Center. 

I plan to follow up with a more detailed blog on my impressions of the show.

(Thanks to Jennie Kim for providing the pictures; we couldn't hang with the wannabe moshers and had to move to some bleachers near the back)

Until then, some quick hits that resonate the day after:

• The best moment for me was the B-Side "Suzanne". The boys started the number in a capella (a la barber shop quartet) and seamlessly went into a heavier, guitar crunching version of the song. I thought they executed it quite well, and it was cool to see them showcase the harmonic abilities that have highlighted their musical catalogue since their first album
• "I need some Rogaine to put in my hair" - Rivers is balding pretty noticeably and seems to be embracing it by growing out his hair and accentuating the look
• Trampoline on stage (more explanation in future post)
• I don't think Weezer could get away with not playing both "Undone (The Sweater Song)" and "Buddy Holly" at a concert. However, as ML astutely pointed out, Rivers looks like Buddy Holly no more
• Weezer isn't Weezer without Cuomo's lyrics and voice. There is a clear departure from this beginning with The Red Album and evident in the sharing of lead vocals during the show (including "My Name is Jonas", "Say It Ain't So", "El Scorcho", the list goes on...). This is not promising for the new record as half of their latest album is a throwaway without Rivers' lead vocals
• Rivers to bassist Scott Shriner: "Thank you for rocking my heart and soul"
• Kneepads
• Lots of college students and younger. It looks like the boys and their record label have done a noteworthy marketing job through MTV and YouTube

Set List:

1. My Name Is Jonas
2. Pink Triangle
3. Perfect Situation
4. Say It Ain’t So
5. Suzanne
6. Keep Fishin’
7. King
8. Undone (The Sweater Song)
9. Pork & Beans
10. Dope Nose
11. Troublemaker
12. Thought I Knew
13. Hash Pipe
14. El Scorcho
15. Time (Pink Floyd cover)
16. The Greatest Man That Ever Lived
17. Island in the Sun - HOOTENANNY
18. Beverly Hills
19. Heart Songs (via LP)
20.  Sliver (Nirvana cover) - ENCORE
21. Buddy Holly

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