This feels important.
I don’t think it’s a
privacy concern to share in this space that Young Master Caleb’s birthday is October 14. He turned two on a
grey, rain-soaked Friday, the first of the season. We had celebrated his
birthday the weekend before with friends and family in our home. The actual day
wasn’t meant to be anything out of the ordinary – save for one thing. Emmelle and I both took the day off
from work to visit his new school (day care) with him prior to transitioning fully the
following Monday. We intended for the day to begin with a visit to his new
Montessori day care and conclude with birthday cake (or “cape” as he calls it).
Like many celebrations, it was a day for ends and beginnings. We also meant for it to be void of surprises and emotions. Whoops.
Before I share any
further, I’d like to go back a year (since of course, I don’t actually
document anything on this blog). During a frenetic September/October 2015, we
sold our condo in West Oakland and simultaneously moved to a single family home
further east in the Oakland Hills. Fortuitously, a Montessori school resides
just a block down the road from our new home. Emmelle immediately placed a
deposit to secure a spot for Young MC for when he turned two. Montessori
schools are extremely highly regarded for young children. These activities felt
like things that good, caring parents would do - moving away from the hipster
confines of West Oakland into a more suburban neighborhood, looking forward to
advancing his educational prospects.
We discovered a
vacant spot at another nearby day care for Young MC to spend his next year. Miss
Jenny, the only nanny he ever had, said her final goodbye shortly after we
moved. It was not a difficult decision; she had expressed that our new home was
an arduous trek each day and Young MC had reached an age in which it became
more difficult for her to effectively care for him as her expertise resided
with younger babies. He did not seem to harbor explicit notions of attachment
either, perhaps simply a symptom of how young he still was at the time. In short, this first move did not feel like we deprived him of anything he truly cherished.
……….
I remember the first day we escorted him to his new school
– just a quick visit to acclimate him to his new surroundings, not unlike what
we intended to do on his second birthday. We sat our little munchkin at the
meal table with his new friends for snack time, and he immediately took to the
activity. It was a great relief, it was incredibly adorable, it was his new
life for several hours a day. That is not to say that the transitional phase
was void of difficulty. We certainly experienced our fair share of crying during
morning drop offs and endured the pangs of guilt that all parents do. It’s difficult to recall that he had not taken his first
steps by this point. Young MC, ever the cautious fellow, had physically
developed long before this time to stand on his own – and possibly inch one
foot forward. But he chose not to, not until he reached 14 months. Instead, he would immediately squat down and
position himself back to what was most familiar. And as “good, caring” parents
should do, this guarded personality would alter how we thought about his transition.
He quickly grew comfortable at his new school and
found comfort with one teacher in particular - Miss L. Over time, he sought
her out in the mornings. Young MC would practically shoo me away as long as he
had Miss L close by. She texted us pictures and videos. At school, he
giggled, he learned to wipe his nose, he ran in circles with his classmates and
squealed cheerfully. He established his full appreciation for
anything with wheels - trains, trucks, buses, airplanes and tractors. I'm certain he came home with a couple of bite marks on his arms because that appreciation was a little too strong and selfish =).
The seasons passed all too quickly. During an arid
Indian Summer, we debated sending him to school in tank tops. As fall turned to
colder months and a harsh rain, Young MC caught every cold possible – for what
seemed like months and months. He healed and grew stronger. The rains gave birth to a warm spring. The kids played outside; Young MC left day care each day with a handful
of playground sand in his shoes as evidence. He came home with food stains, art work and
the occasional Ouchie Report. Then came the summer and his first official
“summer break”. And then fall. A year passed.
……….
We arrived at the
Montessori school on Friday morning. The school, a converted home in our
neighborhood, rests behind a heavy wooden gate facing the street. We walked inside
to find a colorful playground and outdoor toys to the right – large dinosaurs
and trucks. On the left, up a small flight of stairs is the patio leading to
the school. The patio is jammed with shoes, kids’ outerwear of all sizes into
personalized cubbies. On this rainy day, there were rain boots and jackets adorned everywhere.
Amidst all of this, I found a hand-written cubie with Young MC’s name on it. Once
the teachers admitted us inside, Young MC carefully watched older children
participating in a variety of activities – most commonly in self-contained
environments. A couple of children cried. The teachers explained that they were
newer students, only having been at the school for “two to three weeks”. I had
been mentally preparing for about a week of hardship in the morning drop-off.
Perhaps it would be much worse. Young MC clung to his mom tightly and
would not budge without the confidence of knowing she would be right next to
him. More than anything else in his first two years, we’ve learned that he is
an introvert. It takes a series of interactions for him to develop a comfort
with anyone.
So how could we
really alter his routine?
We left in less than
an hour and drove a short way to his school. We joked uneasily in the car ride
about how difficult the following week would be. We both
silently wondered how much stress this would put on our little guy. He rubbed his eyes
in his car seat, already tired from having woken up so early in the morning. I
felt sad knowing what he didn’t know. Today would be his last day with Miss
L and his familiar environment.
Young MC refused to
walk down the corridor, and we carried him down the hallway to his classroom.
Miss L greeted us
at the door, and he reached out for her immediately. She picked him up and
squeezed him firmly; he rested his tired head on her chest and rubbed his eyes –
an intimate move he perhaps does only with his mom. Miss L gave him a kiss,
believing this to be the very last time she would be doing so. She handed us a wrapped package. A birthday gift.
I stepped back and
walked down the hallway, fighting off a sudden burst of emotion. I couldn’t
pinpoint it to one thing but a confluence of factors. The feeling that tugged
at me most was this growing dilemma that Young MC was unknowingly saying goodbye to somebody
whom he truly loves. And no matter how limited his cognitive and emotional
abilities are at age two, it's undeniable that he understands want and loss, Emmelle
finished her goodbyes and caught up to me towards the front door. She had tears
in her eyes. We stepped out and briskly walked back to our car with the rain
steadily pouring down. Emmelle wept. I fought back some tears. She wondered
out loud if she should run back inside and plead to retain his spot.
Plans change. Emmelle resiliently darted back into the school to reverse course on a decision we’d been working
toward for a year. We were not concerned about losing the security deposit,
only to ensure the optimal environment for our son. Moments passed and I watched
as my wife walked slowly back toward the car, wiping tears from her eyes. “Oh no, we are too late”, I thought to
myself. It turns out these were tears of relief. Thankfully, the daycare
principal immediately assured Emmelle that Young MC would be welcomed back with
open arms. We sat in the car silently for a moment, listening to the soft rain
fall on the roof of the car. It was one of those moments as husband-and-wife in
which you can have a silent conversation. Score this day a win for good parenting.
We drove to a nearby
diner and reflected on the morning over a hot cup of coffee. In the grand
scheme of all things, this is merely a blip on the radar. But on that day and
even looking back in retrospect more than a week later, it feels important. We
understand that we can’t shield our son from all discomforts throughout life. But we can bring pause every so often. He is still of a tender
age in which shielding and guarding feels synonymous with helping him to grow
and develop. I’m sure parental books say otherwise. I actually don't care beyond the grinning toddler that we see in front of us. Lo and behold, his new day care allowed us to defer the transition for another year. Security deposit not wasted and honestly, the best possible outcome. But yes, we will be going through this again next year.
For the record, we
stopped by one of our favorite bakeries in the area and picked up a Tres Leches
cake. He blew out two candles. And then he did it one more time. Happy
Birthday, son. Omma and Ahpa love you. It’s been a long time since I’ve written
this:
Thanks for stopping
by.
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